Nelson, England's greatest naval hero, died at the Battle of Trafalgar, 21st October 1805. He was hit by a musket ball, fired from a French ship, at about 1.15pm and died below decks at about 4.30pm. His body was preserved in a barrel of brandy.
Kiss me Hardy or Kismet Hardy? the Jury's still out on this one. Either way, neither were the last words of this great man. The last words were somewhat different, and will strike a cord with those of a more mundane existance...like you and me. Nelson's final words (as related by 3 written accounts of those who were with Nelson when he died) were "Thank God I have done my duty", which he repeated until he became unable to speak.
"Another day, another dollar." was actually "Another day, another dolor," meaning "another depressing day." (Dolor is Spanish for pain).
And Just for good measure,
Rodrigo de Triana (born 1469 in Seville, Spain) was a sailor and the first European since the Vikings known to have seen America. On October 12, 1492, while on Christopher Columbus's ship La Pinta, he was the first to sight America, and as such was the true Discoverer of the land. Triana went without the reward promised by Columbus and the credit for this find. He moved to Africa and converted to Islam following his epic shafting.
It seems to me that as a species, we have a habbit of changing things we don't like into things that sound better. So many of the things we believe to be true are not actually true..Religion is certainly not the only popular lie, we have systematically changed anything that would help us sleep easier if it was different. Who want's America to be discovered by anyone other than the great Christopher Columbus?? Who want's to believe we just die and then that's all she wrote? Who wants to believe that after almost thirteen years of marriage it all fell apart because your partner realised that they were actually gay and not straight.
Nobody.
I certainly didn't want to believe that. Not, I must add, that I am in any way unhappy with the way things eventually turned out, but it's really not an easy thing to accept. 'Another man' would have been a far more pallatable reason for it all coming tumbling down.
I am under no illusion that the facts were changed to help several people sleep better at night in my ex wife's camp, based on the initial abuse I received from my ex father in law and the attitudes displayed from those who I had once called family. I also have few doubts that my daughters understanding of the events that ultimately led to them loosing a parent were re-written to ease slumber and to save on awkward conversations.
I did try to maintain contact with both of my daughters..."Trying's not good enough" I can hear some of you saying, but in truth, the bigger the less damaging thing to do was to eventually walk away. Less damaging for me. For my eldest daughter, entering her teenage years, I was something that got in the way of her social activities every other week..an inconvenience that needed to be tollerated. Eventually the relationship just became too awkward for me. I walked away from it. I also walked away from my youngest daughter, and there was no good reason for that. I would add at this point, that I do, and always have paid the required upkeep without argument. I want no medal for this, but neither do I want anyone associating me with those men who refuse to take any responsibility for the financial support of their offspring. Withdrawing emotional support is one thing, starving them is something else.
It's been a couple of years now, or close to it, since I last saw them, and it has gone beyond the point of no return. There was some brief contact with my eldest via some social networking sites I found her on for a while, a few late night conversations about nothing and everything..but they stopped months ago. I have no idea why, but they did.
I could have changed the truth, blamed the influences of my ex wife for everything, blamed my hours of work for the sparse contact..changed it all to help me sleep better at night. I gave it serious thought. And in the end decided to just allow the nagging guilt to rumble around in the background. And there it remains, surfacing every once in a while and forcing me to swallow a lump in the throat and hold back uncommon tears.
My ex wife never stopped me seeing the girls.
I stopped me seeing the girls.
I did it because it was easier for me.
I have assumed it is easier for them, but it is an assumption and nothing more.
I have a nack for surviving over disaster, in fact my minor breakdown was the first and only time to date that I have not managed to hold it all together and work out an escape plan, or a counter attack. It may seem to the casual observer that my actions were harsh and uncaring. I don't doubt that I would be stoned by the audience if I was appearing on Oprah or Kilroy..or any of those 'oh so awful' judgement productions. But try not to judge me. It's about survival, it's about 'another day another dolor'
It's about doing your duty to yourself over and over and over again until you can speak no longer. I have survived my Trafalgar, I almost preserved myself with several bottles of Jack Daniels (Not Brandy) and what I said has not been changed to make it easier to accept.
I said "Goodbye"
And I walked away.
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